You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Someone came in the potted fern
third nipple confirmed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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