So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
