i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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