I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
