did you get engaged???
Nicole vs. Life
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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