why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
