so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
