I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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