White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
