Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
