you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
