well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
