Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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