I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my poor anus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
