dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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