I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize