I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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