weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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