i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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