Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
