Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
