There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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