i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
