At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
