She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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