yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
