Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
