i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
