I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize