i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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