I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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