Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
