I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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