Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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