Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
