my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize