I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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