Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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