So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
