someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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