Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize