i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
