Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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