toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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