how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
