Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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