Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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