I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
