Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
