The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
