fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
