the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
