Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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