You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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