I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
