I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
