the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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