I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
