Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
