She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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