apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
