Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I could make wine with my vomit
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
