I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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