My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize