Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
