So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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