just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
