No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
