distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
