1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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