you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
