I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
