They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
