Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
