So drunk its hurt
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
