I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My bed smells like the plague
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
