"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
