Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
