So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
