sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
