Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
