well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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