its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
