his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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